Definition: Pompous or extravagant in language, style or manner—especially when trying to impress. When the Big Boss was around, Sebastian liked to walk the floors and loudly tell his co-workers to be more client-focussed, efficient, effective and forward-facing when actioning corro. As part of the annual team-bonding exercise, the Big Boss asked everyone to describe themselves in one word. [...]
Definition: A cave dweller or a person who is considered to be old fashioned or out of date in their views. We accidentally hired a troglodyte. When we casually mentioned ‘Outlook’ and ‘send’ in a conversation, he jumped away from the computer. Before we could stop him, he sent forth a pigeon with a note [...]
Definition: Occurring before breakfast. Marjorie's herbalist had lectured her about the calming properties of eating tomatoes and celery for breakfast. Dutifully, she was roasting some tomatoes and viewing some celery when a banging and shouting alerted her to the arrival of her 6 grandchildren. At this point, she imbibed an antejentacular shot of vodka and marvelled [...]
I’ll be honest: I am not really a lawyer. Not the sort that’s ever wanted a practising certificate, anyway. Because, practising certificates are not exciting. What is really exciting is the idea of taking a so-called complex legal concept and writing it in a way that everyone can understand—not just lawyers and their friends. Imagine [...]
Definition: Meaningless syllables strung together haphazardly to resemble language. Glossolalia is a medical term, most often used to describe the profuse or emotionally charged speech associated with religious ecstasy or some forms of schizophrenia. The Skeptic’s Dictionary observes that the same definition is applied to speech that is ‘sacred’ in one context and ‘gibberish’ in [...]
Definition: Eating dry food especially as part of a religious fast. Herbert was a method actor and evangelist. At Lent, he gave up eating everything except bread and water. Practising xerophagy, he concluded, was not as fun as practising the xylophone.
Definition: The first person you see after leaving your house on a special occasion (especially New Year) Herbert was superstitious. He averted his eye at black cats. Was too tall for ladders. Wouldn’t let umbrellas in the house—his sniffer frogs saw to that. On Friday 13 December, his homeopath informed him that his qualtagh would [...]
Definition: A stolen thing that is found on or near the thief. When Mrs Fiddleton-Pong's prize oscars went missing, she stormed over to her neighbours' house and requested an audience with Cecil. Cecil was somewhat of a fish aficionado—an expertise largely developed through the fact of being a cat. The second oscar had put up somewhat of a [...]
Definition: An inability to act or make decisions. (It's a medical condition.) Sometimes, I wonder if I should ask a doctor if I have aboulia. But I shouldn't. Should I?
Definition: A person who idly watches activity on a canal. I got an email from a man in Venice, who said he could make me the city’s Gongoozler in Chief. All I need to do is send him my bank details. And a photo of my passport. And the title deed to my house. I’ve got [...]